by Joey Effiong
“Cheating is for people in relationships, if you are not in a relationship then, it is not cheating.”
Yes! I said it. Some of us are in relationships with people who have no idea that we are dating them. Hence, once these people show us who the real boo is or we see them with other people – “Ah! Premium heartbreak”.
This does not excuse the fact that some of us like to cheat too. In fact, it is almost like during the “base pairing” that formed our DNA, somebody sprinkled a little, wait!, what am I saying? They packed everything cheating poured inside us.
Now, the concept of cheating can be diverse for different people, because we are not all the same. It could range from flirting, sexting, emotional support and sexual activities which most people regard majorly as cheating.
Well, whatever the form of cheating is, it only occurs because there is a “REASON”.
To show how much I care about you, I will give you 8 of these reasons.
Reason 1: It is the Devil’s Work
This has become a popular line. Let us all blame it on the bad old devil because he has caused us so much pain from time immemorial. He goes through our minds and starts to tell us what to do and of course, we listen, because we are mere humans, we usually fall into these little temptations. Do not be offended, it is not our fault.
There is this saying that “the only way to overcome every temptation is to indulge yourself”.
When I was much younger, whenever anybody was frying plantains, I would sit in the kitchen with them because aside from the fact that I loved cooking, they would sometimes leave me alone with a bowl of golden brown fried plantains that were still very hot, to go and check on some other thing. Apparently, I’d be in charge. In my head, I’d process taking them or not. (Yes, I usually took some. In my defence, I was never given enough fried plantains so I might as well indulge).
My point here is every individual has two thought patterns: positive and negative. The desire to pick one over the other, is solely dependent on the individual and in this case, the devil. This does not exclude the possibility that you may have given the devil a few points to make his argument stronger.
However, the next time anybody gives this as a reason, ask them to share the money they collected from the devil because, if they are going to hurt you because of work that they collected you might as well cash out too.
Reason 2: Forbidden Fruits Taste Better (A.K.A “Na wetin them say make I no do naim I wan dey do now)
You know how that meat you stole is always sweeter than the one they put on your plate? I am sure the memories are coming back now, exactly! This is the same feeling some people (especially daredevils and stubborn people) get when they do things they know very well they should not be doing in the first place.
They are usually after that adrenal rush of excitement running through the course of their veins as they do one out of the many things they are expected not to do. The major goal is not to get caught and honestly has nothing to do with the partner. It is just part of them.
My advice to you is to try as much as possible to know if your significant other falls into this category during the talking stage and proudly tell them you like partners who cheat. Trust them to do the exact opposite, thank me later.
Reason 3: Fine Face, Chiseled Abs, 6ft, Broad Chest, “wetin” remain again?
This is one of the reasons why I recommend people go into relationships with their specs. This is because, at some point, you want to look at your significant other and not only feel lucky but aroused.
Everybody knows or at least is learning to know what physical attributes they are attracted to but sometimes compromise because of another factor that seems to satisfy the present need. This might work for a while, but once they see the person that meets their physical criteria, a lot of reactions are going to take place.
I know some people have the self-control of a boulder but even rocks disintegrate with time, especially with continuous pressure. Especially, when your spec finds you attractive and your significant other does not hold a candle to them.
Humans are generally sexual beings and the first thing we check out is the physical. Before you say yes or ask them out next time, please answer truthfully the question, “Are they really my spec?”.
Ps: Now, you know the reason why they do not post you.
Reason 4: Hop in my Maserati
E shock you?
In this case, Maserati equals a very high financial status or thoughtful actions at least, I am sure you understand now.
This is often a reason people would rather not admit, but, let’s face it, we would tilt our attention to someone who is actively spoiling us, than someone who has promises and sweet words.
I am saying this because I would rather have a “Babe, I got you food” than “ My heartbeat, have you eaten? Please eat for me”. The point here is that the person whom you are cheating with is not just offering but actively providing solutions to your financial needs.
What more can I say? They have hopped into the Maserati.
Reason 5: Testing the Waters
This reason is either an “Oliver twist” syndrome or a “Thrill of the unknown” syndrome, worst-case scenario: a combination of both.
When I was much younger, and food was shared among us, I always believed that my parents’ food tasted better than mine. Do not blame me, their meat was always bigger, I felt like I was missing something, but in reality, I couldn’t even finish their portion if it was given to me.
This is the same rationale behind some cheating sprees. We most times end up disappointed or plain cold underwhelmed. Leaving us thinking about why we did it in the first place.
Does that stop us from doing it all over again?
Reason 6: A Shoulder to Cry on: A Genitalia to Hop on
The moment you run to anybody aside from your significant other (excluding family) when you are emotional, be careful, you might soon start to catch feelings.
“Catching feelings while in a relationship is the active ingredient for entanglements”
I say this with my full chest, because, the moment you feel comfortable baring your vulnerability to another person you feel like they hold a piece of you. Gradually, you become emotionally attached.
This might totally be your partner’s fault because of their emotional insensitivity or because you would rather talk to Jumoke than face your babe.
My candid advice: get a therapist. You will get the real value for your money, I assure you.
Reason 7: Dorime
These days, everybody is shouting “ that’s why I sip my alcohol, I no wan reason bad things no more”. Bad things can also be their partner.
This might not be the fault of the person who cheated, I tell you. What if they were set up? After all, there are bad people everywhere.
Imagine going to hang out with your girls because your husband travelled and you wake up the next morning with the gateman. Let me not talk too much but if you don’t know how to hold your liquor, be like me and be sipping juice.
Trust me, you are not missing anything at all.
Reason 8: You are my Favorite Notification
“You are my favorite notification” was the message on display as he woke up the next morning.
He picked up the phone, smiled and started typing to reply.
“Who are you writing to so early in the day?” A sleepy female voice drifted from beneath the sheets.
How was he going to explain that he has a fiancé who lived over a thousand miles away?
Distant relationships work, no doubts but “Body no be firewood” and you might just be a favorite notification.
Personally, I think we all make mistakes but cheating is a deliberate action, if you are not going to be responsible enough to not betray your partner’s trust but also make up silly excuses instead of admitting and making things right.
Then, what really is the point?
Well, I’m just a young guy who wants to survive in a country that is trying to kill me (maybe that’s a little too harsh, but yeah). I love writing and It has done more than just bring me out of my shell, It has given me a tough skin and I’m well on my way to being better than I was yesterday.