Category: Life Issues

Commitment? Just choose one and keep it moving.

June 5, 2021 / Guest Writer / 6 Comments

Just choose one and keep it moving.

I am obsessed with the idea of commitment and I think it is a key ingredient for any successful relationship. Of course, people have different interpretations of commitment depending on what stage they are in life, a teenager’s expectation of commitment will be different from someone in his/her late 20s. That is why relationships, when you are a teenager, can be hard work, you cannot and should not expect an 18 year to commit to being with you “forever”. It is not really realistic either because at that stage they are still trying to figure out who they are and what life is about, so expecting Lil Tosin to stay with you forever at 18 when Lil Tosin still has to hide her/his partner from mum and dad is a bit unfair, don’t you think? (It must be said that there are some exceptions, some people meet their soulmate at 16 and they spend forever together).

At a certain point when you are older though, I think that should change. The point where things should change is relative, the whole world seems to have accepted the idea that roughly between 21-24 people should date to “find themselves” and different people find themselves at different times. Once you know who you are and what you want in a partner, I sincerely believe the rest should be easy. If you are matured enough to know the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with and you are lucky enough to meet the person and even luckier that the person feels exactly the same way, then that should be it, game over. Because life is long and hard and it is filled with, pardon my French, endless stream of fuckery. Life is like going into a battle, if you are in a battle, the last thing you want to be worrying about is if your partner will leave you alone on the battlefield, helpless and defenceless. That is the same with relationships and life, imagine losing your job and you are worried about your bae leaving you for greener pastures on top of that, what kind of life is that?

Another thing that commitment does is that it allows both parties to be themselves and grow together secured in the knowledge that they will be there for each other. If you are in a relationship with someone you know is 110% committed to you, you are more likely to be yourself and not walk on eggshells around the person out of fear of abandonment. You guys can argue about difficult topics, support different political parties (lol, I know there are the same) and not worry about crossing a line. And because you guys have accepted you are stuck together forever, you will automatically have each other’s best interest in mind, if she/he wins, you both win, you won’t have to be insecure that she/he is outgrowing you and would dump your ass (although that doesn’t stop you from stepping up your own game)

If you are committing to someone, you that you are making that commitment will and should have peace of mind. Think of it this way, if I buy a car, I know that I am going to use the car for the next 3-4 years so when I am driving, I am not going to be looking at other cars thinking I want to trade, there would be no point. Extrapolating this to a life partner is a bit trickier, I know, but the principle is still the same. What makes it even more challenging is that you are 120% guaranteed to meet someone better than your partner at some point and here is the kicker; if you trade your partner for an upgrade, partner 2.0 if you will, chances are when you meet partner 3.0 you will trade up again…and again…and again. So maybe it’s just best to pick one and keep it moving.

Author: Azeez Alabede (Azeezwrites), you can find me on Instagram (@azeezwrites) and Twitter (@azeezwrites) or subscribe for weekly posts @ azeezwrites.com

I Should Have Seen the Red flags.

March 27, 2021 / Lulu / 20 Comments

I Should have seen the red flags

I’m here staring at the ceiling, thinking to myself as I replay Andra Day’s red flags.

“I should have known I’d lose everything… I should have known red flags were warning me, now my soul drags behind my feet but I’ll be fine I guess. You meant no harm you say…”.

“Dear Lord, Is this really happening to me?”. I said to myself. It felt like Andra was there with me at that very moment. Like she had a preview of what I had been through in the last couple of months. Otherwise, why would she describe exactly how I was feeling? The lyrics of the song was overbearingly apt. (🤦‍♀️the song was written released in 2015).

If someone had told me that you and I would not be together, I would have argued with that person passionately. You were my everything. Every love song completely reminds me of you. At times, I feel like I’m going crazy because I perceive your fragrance everywhere I go. A few days ago, I nearly embarrassed myself because I called out for you, thinking you were the one I had seen.

I hate love right now. I hate love songs with everything in me. I hate them because I think of nobody other than you when I hear them. How long will I face this torture?

Who knows? Just maybe after pouring my heart out, I will be fine and move on with my life. At this moment, I know I’m stuck! I’m stuck in a dream I created for myself thinking, we would be together, happy forever. I have not been able to play our song on my phone, and whenever I hear it play somewhere else, I usually can’t wait to tell someone it was our song.

It’s funny how I am the one that uses words to express myself, and when we were together, you did it better than I could. I would wake up some mornings to a beautifully written email from you, telling me how much you adored me. I hadn’t gotten that before and it indeed made me feel special.

I’m not going to deny that I adored you too. I’m not also going to deny the fact that you were a beast to me when you wanted to be. You had your ways of manipulating everyone around me and having them on your side. There is a certain charm to you, and time after time, you have found ways of using it to your advantage.

Now when I think about it, I understand why you always said to me, “I can make whoever I want, like me”. I’m not saying I am blameless here, but a part of you knows I meant no harm. I’m far from blameless. Yes! I found it hard to forgive or let go of things. Yes! I got tired of the ‘I am sorrys’ and needed to understand the reasons why you did the things you did.

You seemed not to understand why the numerous ‘I am sorrys’ never quite won me over. In fact, all it ever did was compound the situation. I am not the type of girl that needs to be spoon-fed with soothing words. I needed answers. Answers you were not willing to give. Why do you think I write? I write to answer things that are hard to explain, so apologies for not being the kind of person you wanted.

I’m not sure you are going to read this, and quite honestly, I would be relieved if you didn’t. In case you see this, you need to know you did a number on me. Today, I went through the relationship contract you made me sign and I smiled! I smiled because love can be so sweet and sour at the same time. You did not only breach the contract, you made me second guess myself every minute and every day.

The other day we spoke on the phone and it felt so awkward. Like we were strangers. How do people get here? Remember how you picked other people over me? Yet, I kept picking you. You complained that I always misjudged you yet, you knew I wasn’t wrong every time I called you out.

Never in my life have I seen someone complain about being given full disclosure. I’m not ashamed to say I’m a full-disclosure kind of person. I let you understand what you are getting yourself into so, at the end of the day, you wouldn’t say I didn’t tell you. When we first met, you were the one clamouring for openness and sincerity. I wasn’t all about that lifestyle yet, I obliged.

I can’t believe how blinded I was to love that I couldn’t see the reason behind your actions. You wanted openness, only when it favoured you and, you didn’t want me to question why the truth wasn’t timely, from your end. Can you remember our last conversation on WhatsApp? I think that was the sincerest you have ever been with me.

I wouldn’t want to say so much, but writing about this has been so liberating for me. I’m forced to remember yet another song by Andra. In the song, she talks about not being perfect and how they say the higher you climb, the further you fall when you take the dive but, she agrees it’s comatose, and she can’t live that close. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I can’t live my life worried about what could go wrong, and so here I am, still believing in love. Indeed, living one’s life in fear of love is comatose. Thus, I have learnt my lesson but I’ll give it another try. This is me saying cheers to love and the beautiful things that come along with it.

This article was inspired by my love for Andra Day, and of course, my once-upon-a-time love story.

I alluded to 3 masterpieces from Andra Day’s Cheers to the Fall Album.

My Dalliance With Pressure.

January 23, 2021 / Lulu / 12 Comments

My Dalliance With Pressure.

I haven’t been able to write anything lately or should I say I haven’t been able to write from the heart for weeks now. I want to be able to write and express how I truly feel without feeling some kind of way or thinking about how valuable the content I’m putting out here is. I have this habit of overthinking things. I am also constantly aware of the fact that I must bring my A-game to whatever I do.

This shouldn’t be confused with writer’s block. This is just me falling into one hole that I have been avoiding; having blocked off my emotions and the things I feel psychologically. This is me not having a plan as to how I want this piece to be perceived. This is me doing something about my sudden mood swings by just writing. It is me deciding to write without having a particular topic in mind or thinking if someone would find this piece interesting or not. This me as a writer putting my needs first, my needs to just get someone out there to read some of my not-so-fine thoughts.

I just want to be free to put out whatever I choose without having to worry whether it’s going to bring a lot of traffic or not. I never really knew how difficult it was to express myself from the heart especially knowing that my thoughts would be out in the public for people to scrutinise or play God amidst other things. Most writings I put out here are sort of void of any true innate feeling. It’s funny because I’m usually a very expressive person.

I feel somewhat like a hypocrite. This is me, a preacher of the essence of vulnerability. I constantly talk the goodness in being vulnerable when the truth is, I am scared as anyone else when vulnerability is concerned.

Lately, I have been having some mood swings and I have had to battle with some inner demon that I really can’t explain or pen down. I have had friends here and there complain about me not putting as much effort into our friendship as they do. I have had people complain of how distant I could be. The thing is, in my heart I always feel like I’m really doing my best to cope with the issues at hand. I honestly do feel like I’m a good person who is constantly misunderstood. In friendships, I give my best unconditionally, but once the other person messes up it’s like I just create a wall between us. This has been my way of protecting myself from feeling hurt or pain. Is it the right way? Of course not! But it has been my coping mechanism to finding peace.

Let me explain how it works; So once this wall has been erected, the other person either thinks I am being unforgiving or I have moved on from them. This naturally leads them to question if our friendship was real from the get-go.

I guess the above phenomenon I’m trying to explain makes me understand and appreciate Eminem’s song titled “The way I am”. In the song, he talks about depression and his childhood experiences. When talking about Proof’s death, he claimed he had days when he couldn’t talk, let alone write a rhyme. It’s somewhat like the feeling when one is drowning in the deep part of an ocean and one finds it so hard to breathe. You think to yourself “ I know I can swim and I’m probably the best swimmer but this wave is too strong for the strength I have right now”.

Dealing with grief has been a huge part of my life. If anything in the universe worked as it ought to, maybe, just maybe I would still have those that I have lost. I don’t think I am a strong person at all as most people say I am. I feel too much, I’m extra sensitive about things, I’m extra reactive about even the things I could and should let go of. I love too deeply; I give too much. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to change things and bring back those that I have lost.

I’m constantly asking if I could do things any better and so some days life is just bland. I walk past things that would ordinarily excite me and they don’t make me feel anything. I Keep my eyes still, hoping maybe it would raise something in me that would remind my soul of how I used to feel sometime in the past. A man once said, “I have known my friends for over 20years and I know everything there is to know about them but they do not innately know a single thing about me”. When I heard him say this, I UNDERSTOOD HIM!!!

How well do we really know those around us? Everyone is constantly using that term “friend” when they don’t truly understand it. Most times we are discouraged from really showing our true self. Even when we are not discouraged, we just know that we wouldn’t really be accepted when some certain things are known about us. We try every day to make sense of it, that “difference” that mustn’t be shown to the world. They say “be yourself” yet they distance themselves when you express who you are. The irony!

We are often told not to gear towards our animalistic impulses for the good of the society. The ones that feel LOVE feel the desperate need to prove it’s genuity. The ones that don’t want to put label to things are made to feel like they are missing out on something. Last year (2020) was so hard and tough and it changed my view on certain things.

Some months ago, I began to remember some things (hence my article on repressed memories), of the not-so-worthy event that had happened to me in the past. I felt this rage take over me. I wasn’t sleeping well enough; I had stopped thinking clearly. For a while, I pondered on whether or not I should write about what had happened. To just put it out there and expose those involved. It would have been my way of healing, my hope at revenge, and probably a way to encourage others in similar situations. However, I was advised not to this. And YES! They were right! It really wouldn’t have made any difference because of the kind of society we find ourselves. For a short while, it would be gist-worthy and puff! It would become stale. We always want people to let out their true self yet, when they do that we easily tune into this judgemental side of us.

Having penned this down, it feels so incomplete. You know that feeling a writer gets when they know the plot is incomplete and the story isn’t quite finished. Oh well! It could just be my writer’s instinct coming to play. However, I must pause here and leave you with this; choose the way you want to live. A kind of life where you don’t have to feel guilty of doing some certain thing. Where you don’t have to feel some kind of way because of some standards that has been created by mere mortals… Not everyone will get you and it will hurt really bad. However, it is important not to walk away from things that truly make you happy. If you did read this article to the end, I’m flattered and I hope you got to understand the message embedded in every sentence of this writeup.

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Is Freedom Really the Ultimate Good?

December 30, 2020 / Lulu / 3 Comments

Is freedom the ultimate good?

It is believed by some that the ultimate good for man is freedom. To these people, freedom is in the ability to act without constraint as this is the weapon humanity has to fight against all forces that oppose them. These oppositions may include natural disasters, unfavourable laws and policies, the threat to life and peace. The question here is, are humans truly free? Should they enjoy the freedom to its brim?

According to Jean-Paul Sartre, man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does. This means that every man is born with a free-will to do or make things happen for him. If we claim freedom is the ultimate good, by what standards are we able to come to such a claim? What is the standard of measurement of this goodness and how can we say our freedom has led to the ultimate goodness?

Let’s Look At What Goodness Is.

What is goodness? Goodness is a general term used to describe a character or quality of conduct. It is a basic term used in quantifying the standard moral conduct in a society. Most people refer to the ultimate good as whatever action in which the result or by-product brings about goodness in the long run. This intrinsically means that the actions of a person (whatever it may be), whether good or bad and whatever method adopted does not matter as long as the by-product of that action leads to goodness at the end of it all. It consequently means that the result is what should be regarded as the ultimate good.

On the other hand, another group of people have argued that the ultimate good cannot be quantified by just the action or the result because the intention is the capital needed to achieving ultimate good. This is to say, that once the intentions are right, the forward journey to achieving the ultimate good isn’t far behind.

source: by Steven Erixon on Unsplash

For me, freedom is subjective. It is something we are supposedly born with, yet we only truly enjoy it in its restrictive state. If we as humans all had access to undiluted freedom then we would live in a state of anarchy. Even as a child, no one child is born with freedom, a child totally depends on the thoughtfulness of his parents. Parents can also decide to put up their child for sacrifice based on the belief system that they would be rewarded by a supreme being. In this day and age, if the above happens, the parent’s actions would be seriously condemned and they would probably face punishment for such an action.

From the time a child is born, the child is inculcated with society-based moral standards on how to dress, how to pronounce things, he is taught languages or how to speak a certain way, how to act, who to love and who not to. My point here is that if there is any freedom that man has, it is not the type that is given to him by birth it is the type he chooses for himself.

If freedom was the ultimate goal, how then do we put people’s freedom in check and how then do we ensure that people’s freedom does not interact with the natural sequence of things. A group of individuals could just rise someday and claim that the solution to the world’s problem is decimating half of the entire world’s population. They may claim an increase in depletion of resources in the world drove their actions. There are also those with the ideology that, for the world to be truly habitable and for humans to attain the greatest feat, those who are not intellectually outstanding must be discarded. The above is the reason for my earlier question; should men be allowed the freedom that they desperately crave?

The flaw in the above three arguments is in the fact that not all freedom leads to goodness. Sometimes, even when you put the pieces of the puzzle together (that is, the right action, the right intention, and preferred result,) it still might not produce the ultimate good.

What then is the ultimate good?

According to Aristotle, the ultimate good is happiness. It is the balancing of two extremities. That is to say, whatever brings about the hedonistic effect is the ultimate good. To him, the ultimate good is not just those things we need to live but all things we need to live well.

The Christians believe that ultimate good is whatever action or character that is Christ-like. They go further by saying one must love one’s neighbour as oneself. This means that whatever action that is being portrayed, should be one that can be tolerated personally. It should also be worthy of praise based on the instructions that have been provided in the holy book. Simply put, their moral standard is based on bible teachings.

In my opinion, the ultimate good is a subjective term. Therefore, it cannot just be one thing. Instead, it is the fusion of many other things. The ultimate goodness is in the balance of life, it is in the possession and exhibition of power, the ultimate good is in loyalty and, most especially in existentialism itself. Balance of life should come with peace of mind and, should be available in every other physical and emotional form.

In conclusion, the ultimate good for every individual varies. For some, it means wealth, contentment, liberty, freedom, absolute power for some others it is the acquisition of educational degrees and technical skills, for some others, it could be the making of a family. However, one thing that is certain and we can all agree on is that terms such as sadness, sorrow, confusion, pain are not phenomenons we want in our lives. Ultimately, it is important to note that long term happiness and fulfilment depends on the ability to fulfil the soul’s unique purpose and to fill the place in the world that only you can fill, making the contribution that only you can make.

NOTE!

You need not subscribe to my school of thought. However, before you draw any conclusion, I ask that you truly understand this article.

serial killers from Africa — source: Fernando Aguilar

Female Serial Killers.

December 24, 2020 / Lulu / 4 Comments

There is a certain stereotypical order to how serial killers are regarded. The widespread assumption is that men serial killers are more ruthless than their female counterparts. There isn’t as much information and data on female serial killers as it is with male serial killers. This is perhaps because the statistics of male serial killers supersedes that of the females. We have always had female serial killers right from time Immemorial but they are not often acknowledged as they ought to, probably because of the notoriety that comes with male serial killings.

There is indeed no doubt women are forces to be reckoned with in almost every field, specialty, and expertise. Women seem to always leave their imprint on whatever they are a part of. Gone are the days when women were regarded as weak, practically underestimated, and pushed aside. Now, they can not be put in a box. They possess the determination, strength, resilience that the other gender possesses. It is, therefore, no surprise that they also bring this uniqueness to even their killings.

Female Serial killers do not necessarily act alone all the time. They sometimes usually have partners. In some very rare cases, their partners might be unsuspecting puns in the final scheme of things. According to Peter Vronsky’s book titled, Female Serial Killers: How and Why Women Become Monsters. He cites that nearly one in six (16 percent) of serial killers apprehended in the United States since 1820 was a female, either acting alone or as a partner of a male or female offender.

source: Unsplash.com

Spree-killings should not be mixed up with serial killings. Although they are both murders, serial killers usually have a certain methodology to their killing, it usually comes with a certain pattern within a specified period. A woman could be a murderer and not a serial killer. A serial killer is an individual who repeatedly commits murder, typically with a distinct pattern in the selection of victims, location, and method.

There are usually several motives behind the serial killing. These include sexual motives, thrill, and excitement, irrationality, mental disorder. According to psychologytoday.com, female serial killers are not often motivated by sexual gratification but a twisted sense of sympathy, love, or altruism. Evidence has shown that women often avoid murder with which they have to severe bodily parts of their victim. They usually opt for poisoning in most cases. As regards the varieties of victims, female serial killers could kill a lover, a non-lover, a friend or a foe, a relative or non-relative.

There is a myth surrounding serial killers. Some writers describe serial killers as loners, low life’s, dysfunctional individuals. This is not typically the case as there are serial killers who have no reason to kill. They live perfectly normal and functional lives yet; they still feel the need to hunt for victims. They might not be terrifying as people popularly believe. They could be individuals that have smiles endearing enough to pierce your heart. Hedonistic serial killers are the most dangerous as they enjoy the thrill and pleasure killing gives them.

In the popular thriller television series, Killing Eve the main character who was a psychopathic female serial killer later became obsessed with the MI6 agent who was chasing her. Villanelle, as she was called had an innocent exterior that hid the deadly side of her. She was exceptionally gifted, ruthless, yet likable, and relatable. In simpler words, she was a psycho that sometimes had intermittent empathetic episode towards her antagonist. Despite these rare episodes of empathy, she was still a cold-blooded unsympathetic killer.

source: Unsplah.com/Benjamin Balazs

Some serial killers get into action during specific seasons or yearly events. Who knows? They could have been easily triggered by something that period represents or memories it brings forth. It is important to note that most documented information about serial killers in this century is from the United States. Here lies the question that comes to my mind, Are there no serial killers in Africa? What about female serial killers in Africa? Why are there very few details about female serial killers in Africa?

Popular female African serial killers include KD Kempamma, also known as Cyanide Mallika who ran her own finance business, she was married to a tailor who left her around 1998. She began on her path of crime in 1999. Her M.O was to lure women who seemed too distressed and offer a helping hand by giving them cyanide-laced drinks. She was the first female serial killer to be convicted in India. Another popular African serial killer is Credonia Mwerinde of Uganda, popularly known as “The programmer”. She was the leader of the Ugandan Marianist cult, She was reported to have killed hundreds of her followers on the 17th of March 2020.

In Nigeria, to the best of my knowledge, a female serial killer is yet to be convicted. What could be the reason for this? Are female serial killers non-existent in a population of over 200 million people? Should we blame the absence of standard forensic practice as the reason behind zero convictions of female serial killers in the country? It was not until recently that the popular serial killer, Gracious David-West who was known to target women was apprehended and convicted. He confessed to 15 killings and was sentenced to death by hanging by the court. Perhaps, there have been more convictions of female serial killings but has been kept under wraps by the police force. In the custom African culture, there are people with the belief that there are yet some other types of female serial killers that are popularly made up of women. They assemble in covens, inside trees, or any secret place. They are regarded to be masters at manipulation.

Why Female Killers Should never be Underestimated.

When security agencies are set to capture or investigate a serial killer, they do what they call “profiling”. The profilings give them an understanding as to what fuels the serial killers to kill, why they do it, how often they kill, and their attachment to their victims. This goes a long way to help them understand the behavioral patterns and traits of these killers.

The problem with this is that “Women do not typically fit the profile”. The complication here is that women are more deceptive as serial killers and this automatically makes them less likely to be perceived as a threat to an unsuspecting individual. They are therefore able to perpetuate their manipulations and evil with fewer complexities involved. This explains the “almost silent” existence of female serial killers in the world, especially in Africa. The truth is that they exist in every culture, demography, group, and society of the world.

References.

“Cyanide Malika”: India’s first convicted female serial killer by Gulfnews.com accessed online on the 18^th of December 2020.
ABC News “Why do women Kill?” by Scott Michels, Sarah Netter, Laura Marquez, and Sabina Ghebremedhin accessed online on the 18th of December 2020.
Vronsky, Peter. Female Serial Killers: How and Why Women Become Monsters. Princeton, N.J, 2008.

The rationale behind irrationality.

June 22, 2020 / Lulu / 10 Comments

Whenever I hear people criticize the rationale behind the irrationality of the action of a certain individual it gets me confused. A lot of people like to pride themselves in the fact that they are logical thinkers and by extension, claim that they will never do or act a particular way whether or not they are faced with a particular problem. The sooner people begin to realize that anyone Is capable of behaving irrationally, the easier it will be to solve the problem that births irrational decisions.

I am of the opinion that the major motivating force behind irrationality is our emotions. That is to say, no matter how logical you think you are, your emotions can make you act unintelligently and unexpectedly. There is no certainty as to how you will act when faced with some specific situations. Almost every irrationality stems from emotion with exception to cases where an individual decides to be intentionally irrational.

What is irrationality?

Simply put, irrationality is the inability to use logical abilities to make decisions. It is widely regarded as a cognitive deficiency. The problem I have with this generally accepted notion is in the fact that the society regards irrationality as a cognitive deficiency. The only time irrationality should be considered as a cognitive deficiency is when the result and process of the decision-making do not produce a desirable result. If irrationality is a cognitive deficiency, it means every human is cognitively deficient.

Irrationality means to act without thinking, without reasoning or adopting logic. I do not believe that it is possible to act without thinking or reasoning. The level of reasoning might not be adequate. It is also possible that actions might be fueled by the wrong reason. However, when there is an action, there is almost always a reason. Yet another issue that arises is the validity of the reason behind the action. How do we know if the reason for an action is valid and how do we consequently measure the level of its validity? What are the parameters for these measurements? And can these parameters be used universally? If these parameters are used will they produce the same result in every scenario?

It is important to mention that in as much the word irrational has a widely accepted definition and meaning. It still can be deficient in many ways. An individual could have a very viable reason for acting irrationally; it doesn’t make the person incapable of logical reasoning. Some will argue that if an irrational decision leads to a good outcome then it is rational. Others would say, that the intent of the irrational action is what really matters and so as long as it does not inflict pain then it is acceptable. We all know that our intent has no factor in deciding the outcome of any circumstance. My intentions might be to do good yet my actions might cause the exact opposite.

Now, let me go back to the issue of the validity of reasons as regarding irrationality. Who says whether or not a reason is valid enough? your friends? your boss? or your family? What makes a reason viable enough to be considered logical or rational? Do we at all times have to follow the standards that society has set out for us? Many people have at different times come up with some characteristics of what a valid reason should be. Irrational people mostly operate on intuition, feeling, mood, faith while rational people make use of logical thinking, analysis, and reasoning. Rationality in decision making means making decisions that are most beneficial through careful reasoning.

What is logical thinking?

Logical thinking Is the ability to base one’s thoughts on facts and evidence rather than feelings. It requires analysis rather than assumptions. Most times people associate the word irrationality with dishonesty, indiscipline, lack of self-control, and even intellectual disabilities. The truth is logical thinking is an intellectual skill that is learned and is not bestowed to anyone naturally. Irrationality on the other hand is not learned, it comes naturally to every human being and it acts as a major source in the making of rational decisions. Even the determination to want to be logical in reasoning stems from irrationality.

I feel every human needs a bit of both. You need to be irrational and there are times to be rational. Emotivism in almost all cases negates every form of rationalism. The Decision-making process involves emotions. However, the depth to which we plunge into our emotions during a decision-making process varies for every situation. This means, whether it’s a decision as to what choice of cloth to wear or whether or not to employ a particular person our emotions one way or the other influences our decisions. This is not to say that we as humans cannot be objective. It only explains the phenomenon that we are either subconsciously or consciously influenced by our emotions and feelings.

Am I saying the end justifies the means?

No. the end does not always justify the means. However, in certain circumstances, the end certainly justifies the means. In measuring whether or not an action is justifiable, most people like to subject the by-product or end result to a test; by analyzing whether the outcome favours the society at large. I strongly believe that in trying to understand if the end justifies the means, one must first consider the effect of the particular action on one’s life before considering the society next. Selfish? No not selfish! It is not a bad thing to put one’s self first. Sometimes, the only way you can do any good in the world is by achieving self-fulfilment.

Allow me to paint a scenario, imagine telling the parents of a child that came rushing into the emergency room of a clinic to wait in a queue for their turn when their child is in a state of unconsciousness and expecting them to be cooperative. At that very point in time, the thinking faculties of the parents might not be able to process whether or not that instruction is the logical thing to do. At that moment, they are being driven by the love they have for their child, they are scared and anxious. The only thing that would seem logical to them at that moment might be to insist that their child should be immediately attended to considering the severity of the situation. Ask yourself if this is logical, rational, or irrational.

In conclusion, we are all irrational beings in the face of uncertainty. Irrationality can be logical if the situation presents itself. Irrationality can also be very beneficial. Making good moral judgments should not solely depend on how the society perceives it but rather, the effect on one’s life and then society at large. Understanding that irrationality is not a death sentence or a crime but an avenue through which some of our very deepest emotions are reflected and used as a weapon to get desirable outcomes in a specific situation is important.

You need not subscribe to my school of thought. However, I ask that you truly read and understand this article.

do fragrances determine how people treat me

A fragranced life 2.

June 11, 2020 / Lulu / 0 Comments

A Fragranced life (The first Part).

In the first part of this article, we established that there are different fragrances we as humans have on, and that it is the peculiar type of fragrance we have that determines several happenings in our life. I also categorised the fragrances into 2 but for the purpose of this article, I would be focusing on the second type of fragrance which i termed as the deficient fragrance; the ones the Yoruba’s refer to as Ami Ikorira. I remember saying I didn’t want to delve too deeply into this subject matter. However, I will try as much as possible to do so in this article as we focus on how to identify and eliminate bad fragrances as well as the implications it has physically and spiritually.

If you missed the first part, you can read it HERE

Is Ami Ikorira natural?

Ami ikorira means a mark of hatred and resentment that works against people. It is not seen yet it can be perceived and felt. Besides envy, it is usually the reason why you might just dislike someone for no good reason. You don’t understand why you do but you feel so much rage in your heart towards them. No! there is nothing natural about amin ikorira it is usually caused by evil people. Some are born with it, probably because it was inherited. Just like problems, smell can also be inherited. Perhaps, this is the root of generational problems. Some others get it through other means. In fact, many have died without realizing what they were going through. Some are able to notice it but still don’t understand the extent of it effects.

Its Manifestations

There are several ways this phenomenon manifests itself and for some, it’s totally different. One thing that is certain is that it has destroyed many lives. A woman marries and she’s immediately disliked by every member of her husband’s family. She questions their reasons for their despising her so much but has not been able to get an answer. You see a very handsome young man that’s seems to be well established or doing fine but he has never been in to any meaningful relationship in his life. For some ladies too, it’s the same thing, you hear them say “I have never had anyone care about me before and people even avoid me”.

Some others find it so hard to have or do anything sensible in life. They do every single thing the right way. It’s usually from one problem to another, every new week there is a new problem. Some individuals even notice the same pattern in their family tree but are not really sure on the way to break the cycle.

This is where some people bring the matter of genetics as a possible explanation. Indeed, genetics is a very important factor to consider, so is biological and environmental factors. The truth is, in as much biological and environmental factors are important determinants in every individual’s life there are other things that are responsible for hindrances.

Not every delay one experiences is in accordance with the maker’s will. More often than it’s acknowledged, we wrestle against forces that are other than environmental, biological and family limitations. Sometimes we wrestle against forces that have been existent for 100’s of years. We don’t know them but they know us. Some refer to them as the “the whisperers”; you don’t tell them things yet they know all they need. You tell your plan to one or two people yet they are aware of everything. This is why the Yoruba’s say “Ogiri leti” (the walls have ears). It is for these reasons it is advised not to tell people everything about yourself no matter how much you trust them.

How to fight against it

This is not a fairy tale; it is a very important issue that has costly repercussions in the life of people. The occurrence of this bad fragrance has led many to an early grave especially as destitutes. It is important to note that the tell signs might not be all that obvious, but it doesn’t mean that it’s not existent. There are people going through this phenomenon that are not aware of it because to a very large extent things are looking good for them. It’s like being at a level and being so satisfied with it. You can compare it to having 5 million and being so happy when you should have surpassed the level of being a millionaire. It’s like being a tenant in a standard 2 bedroom flat when you are supposed to own the estate.

Speaking positively

Knowing how to tackle this issue is a very important aspect. Fighting off a bad fragrance or sign is dependent on one’s belief, culture or even religion. When you notice any of these issues, I would advise that you seek counselling from either your religious leader or teacher. Every religion has its methods of dealing with it. For those that might not have access to the above option I would recommend speaking positive words into your life.Positive speaking? Yes! positive speaking it works like magic. Positive speaking manifest into reality; this is why you have to be self-aware. You are scared about an upcoming presentation or interview, tell yourself I know this interview is going to work in my favor (of course, that’s after doing the needful by preparing).

Whenever you are apprehensive about how your week is going to turn out or about the reception your ongoing project is going to receive. It is best to speak and declare positive things into your life. To make it seem more real and believable I would advise you do this in front of a mirror. You see, what this does is that it produces a level of self-confidence that you need to have in order to achieve various task you put in motion. This is something I know many of us have heard several times. The problem however seems to lie in the fact that when most people practice this action, they do not continue with it. It is the habitual application of this method that brings about outstanding results. Finally, it’s important to note that we learn a lot from a once hopeless situation because it presents enough information for a new path into a hopeful situation. It is hopeless situations that makes hopeful ones very recognizable and this should always drive us whenever the going gets tough.

If you missed the first part, you can read it HERE

3 effective ways of making people listen

Why I would rather listen and talk to a deaf person anyday.

June 11, 2020 / Lulu / 0 Comments

Oh yes! I would rather talk and listen to a deaf person any day willingly, than someone else. Do not worry, you would understand my reasons as you read further. A deaf person is someone who has totally or partially lost his ability to hear. This makes it challenging for them to communicate and understand people effectively. It is for this reason they make use of sign language and lip-reading. They rely on the reading of lips as well as sign languages to understand what is being said to them. Understanding what is being said to them usually requires their utmost concentration and most times they have to try and read body language to fully comprehend was is fully going on; a skill that most people who are not deaf choose to be oblivious to.

In having conversations with a deaf person, you can get someone who will listen to you carefully (although they can’t hear you) but they listen. The listening skill is a simple skill one that many people are too impatient to have. They appear like they are giving you attention but the truth is, most times they wander away into their own thought. Some do not even realize they have done this. Let me give you a scenario, imagine telling someone about the new bag you just bought and all the design details it has, they may begin to ask themselves why they haven’t even remembered to get themselves that thing they need badly. How does one interpret the true information that is given out subconsciously but not said? How do you listen to what someone is not saying with their mouth?

Listening to what is not being said

There is an integral part of listening that involves understanding what is not being said. It is the hidden message inside the message. How do you listen to what someone is not saying with their mouth? How do you understand body language? It is important to note that the eyes also speak volumes. A person who has hearing impairment has been able to train himself to communicate not just through sign languages, but lip reading and studying of body languages. Although, lip reading is not an entirely effective way of understanding what is being said given that words can sound the same but mean entirely different things. The truth is that maintaining eye contact is a very good way to listen to what is not being said (my Yoruba people will say, Oju lo ro wa).

It’s not narcissistic in any way to want someone that would truly listen to you. Many people find this very simple thing, difficult to do. It’s like needing the services of a professional painter and he tells you to brief him on what you would like him to create and then he’s finally done with the job and it doesn’t look like what you asked for. The work of art might be aesthetically pleasing yet the important question is why he didn’t do what you (the client) requested for? Does it not feel good to talk to someone who pays attention to every bit of what you say during a discussion? Not someone that would be analyzing the correctness of your intonation or a person that would be in a hurry to respond to what you are saying. Most people listen with an intent to respond not understand.

How to recognize someone that is not willing to listen

What I’m proposing here is not for you to begin a search for every hearing-impaired fellow. The very focus of this article is to help us examine ourselves; to understand if we are truly talking to the people we ought to be talking to or if we ourselves are being good listeners in our everyday communications. Are you listening to your friend or hearing him? Are they not the same? you may ask. No! they are not! One is voluntary while the other is involuntary. One involves a conscious mental effort while the other does not.

In recognizing someone who is not ready to listen, you notice that these people are those who sometimes think too highly of themselves. In some cases, they feel they are only trying to buttress the point you are trying to make. Sometimes, it’s more of a habit rather than an action done intentionally. On the other side of the spectra are narcissists who consider their opinions as superior. When you have a narcissist as a friend, they would never listen to you. They are habitual non-listeners and mostly reply with words such as “No I don’t agree” “that’s not right! I have a better idea” and they might even lure you to thinking you never ever come up with any good idea.

3 effective ways of making people listen

A very effective way of making a person listen to you when you talk is by calling their attention whenever you are talking. Sentences such as “you won’t believe what happened next” ” do you understand what I’m saying?”; this makes them more curious. It is also very important to allow them to speak as you don’t want to feel like you are talking to a log of wood (if you do, I’m not judging).

Make the conversation a somewhat interactive one by asking questions.

Another way to ensure that they listen is by informing them of the importance of the topic you are about to discuss with them. You can start by saying ” I have something I would love to run by you, something happened some days ago…”

Don’t listen to them too 😀

Yes!!! don’t listen to them too. This works like magic; it’s not revenge it’s called giving them a taste of their own medicine.

When you stop/reduce the way you give your listening ears to them make them understand your reasons for doing so.

Is It really bad to be vulnerable?

June 10, 2020 / Lulu / 7 Comments

I was torn between titling this write up as Reasons why being vulnerable isn’t all that bad and Is it truly bad to be vulnerable? In doing proper justice to this article, I would like to present to you two definitions of vulnerability.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the word “vulnerable” as the capability of being physically or emotionally open to attack or damage. The Macmillan dictionary claims that someone who is vulnerable is weak or easy to hurt physically or mentally. Why should I want to be vulnerable? You might say to yourself. Vulnerability in a relationship is not a bad thing and I would present my reasons as you read further. A vulnerable individual is a strong person who is willing to put himself out there, with the mindset that things may or may not go as planned. However, not many people can do that or are willing to.

I’m not in search of sanctity, sacredness, purity; these things are found after this life, not in this life; but in this life, I search to be completely human: to feel, to give, to take, to laugh, to get lost, to be found, to dance, to love, to lust and to be human.-C. JoyBell.

You hear people say “I don’t trust anyone!”, “it’s really bad to open up to people!”, “It might backfire!”, “People only use the information they know to hurt you”. The question that should be raised here is “who are you opening up to? what kind of people do you have in your corner“. This is not to say that there are not people capable of all sorts of betrayals or there won’t be anyone that would mess up because I will be lying if I said that.

However, why would you want to alienate yourself from the possibility of a happy ending or favorable outcome. What if there is the slightest chance or opportunity for everything to turn out great? If you are willing to overlook the possibilities ahead then you should be ready to overlook the risks too.

I was discussing with a friend some days ago, and I said, “why do you think it’s so hard for people to open up and why some feel it’s a crime to be vulnerable? He replied, “I think it’s a natural instinct which comes to play based on past experiences (either personal experiences or otherwise)”. I responded, “don’t you think it is against human nature not to be vulnerable and that it beats the purpose of coexistence on earth“.

Human nature is unique in the sense that man is born with a free will to do whatever he wants. Following this ideology, how free can we truly say an individual is, when he allows his life to be controlled or dominated by the actions or fear that people might hurt him emotionally or mentally.

It is true that many have built a wall around themselves, some at a very young age, perhaps due to the circumstance in which they grew up. Others have learned not to form an attachment with anyone or anything. For instance, individual A meets individual B and subconsciously plans his exit strategy for the future because the only way individual A can protect himself is the to view any relationship formed as a short-term contract. As things begin to develop every day, individual A gets one step closer to initiating his exit plan. In this case, it could be out of the fear of being abandoned or having to deal with the uncertainty as to whether anything they feel is real that might result to them ghosting on individual B. It’s like wanting happiness and freedom yet operating under the shackles of the fear of being vulnerable.

I ask again, is vulnerability all that bad? Vulnerability is the show of strength, it is the embodiment of the human nature that anything may happen anytime; be it earthquakes, storms or drought but not being overcome by the thought or fear of it. Anyone that chooses to release themselves to be vulnerable should be regarded as one of the strongest people on earth. It is with no doubt one of the hardest things a person can do.

It’s like choosing not to wear armor during a gunfight. It takes balls! (pardon my french). I have observed that women usually seem to be more vulnerable than men. The perfect answer to this is in the fact that the peculiar nature of women allows them to draw the right amount of strength from whatever experience (either good or bad). This is what ultimately fuels them.

Emotional neutrality.

I have heard some people talk about emotional neutrality; they praise themselves for being emotionally neutral. I’m usually flabbergasted when people use that word because the term is innately conflicting. Before you come for my head, let me explain a few things. What is the meaning of emotions? Merriam-Webster dictionary defines emotions as a conscious mental reaction such as anger or fear, subjectively experienced as a strong feeling usually directed towards a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body. They go further to define it as the affective aspect of consciousness. What the above definition illuminates, is the fact that as long as you can feel then you have emotions (the emotions could be good, painful, sad or happy ones). Furthermore, as long as you are conscious, then you can feel. This is to say, you are only emotionally neutral when you are dead. You might not be a “people person“, it doesn’t make you an emotionless person either.

Above all, vulnerability is knowing that things may go bad but making a conscious decision not to allow it ruin one’s happiness. It is the placing of faith in one’s ability to deal with whatever issues that may arise. It shouldn’t just be viewed as a form of complication to one’s feelings, emotions or life. Is change not the very essence of life? Is it wrong to create, build and nurture relationships? In as much as life could sometimes offer us lemons, we should understand that vulnerability brings forth determination, love, assurance, amongst other things and that’s the lemonade we should make out of it.

NOTE!

You need not subscribe to my school of thought. However, before you draw any conclusion, I ask that you truly read and understand this article.

My Unbiased Review Of Miracle In Cell No.7 (Turkish version)

June 10, 2020 / Lulu / 4 Comments

If one really wants to know how justice is administered in a country, one does not question the protected, policemen, the lawyers, or the rich ones… one goes to the unprotected; those, precisely, who need the law’s protection most and listens to their testimony– James Baldwin.

The veracity of the above quote was represented in the plot of Miracle In Cell No 7 which portrayed the level of the injustice of the poor, weak and disadvantaged.

The storyline centers around a young girl, Ova (Nisa Sofiya Aksongur), and her father, Memo (Aras Bulut Iynemli) who is a shepherd in Turkey. Memo has a cognitive disorder however he still manages to have a very interesting relationship with his daughter, making use of interesting words, slangs, and terms which become their personal way of understanding themselves. Initially confused as to why her father acted differently from other parents, Ova questions her “Nana”. Her Nana replies by saying “Your father is the same age as you”. Ova’s father, Memo because of his condition, sees the world differently.

You can attest to this in a scene when Ova pointed at the sky and asked her father to tell her what it was. People referred to him as a nitwit and felt that he had lost his senses. The movie progresses by introducing yet another main character, his mother who is referred to as “Nana”. “Nana” understands her son and has a lot of empathy when she looks at him.

An incident occurs that leads to Memo, who is mentally impaired to be falsely accused. It was a painful incident for his family. They understood Memo to be a timid, fragile, and innocent man who only wants his little Ova to be happy. Ova, as little as she is trying to clear her father’s name by trying to get a witness to the incident to come forward. He gets accused of killing a General’s daughter who in turn uses his power and position to influence the legal proceedings against Memo.

Memo is therefore forced and tortured to sign a false confession taking responsibility for what he did not do. His mental health condition is also ignored consequently leading to his trial as well as the execution verdict.

Memo’s time in prison is an eventful one as he becomes a target of violence and bullying. The prisoners however discover Memo was falsely accused and so they begin to strategize ways to prove his innocence. Memo’s character and personality continue to endear him to the rest of the prisoners.

They were all too convinced that he could not hurt anyone let alone kill a little girl. The rest of the movie takes us through an emotional roller coaster as we see the various moves and counter moves from the characters; the General on one side, the cellmates, the wardens, and Memo’s family on the other.

The movie was based on the 2013 South Korean film Miracle In no 7 Cell which was directed by Lee Hwan-Kyung and was produced on the 25th of December 2019.

My thoughts on the movie.

I personally do not like to watch movies where I have to read the subtitles while watching but i didn’t mind at all after the opening scenes. The more time I spent in the movie, the more i got captivated by the storyline.

The movie was successful at mirroring many improper practices that go on in our present society. The movie was spot on at activating some very strong emotional reactions. To put it in another way, if you are an emotional or sensitive person it’s advisable you brace yourself before watching the movie because you might be surprised at your emotional response to the movie. In terms of the performance of the characters, the main characters did a superb job of interpreting their characters and roles in the movie.

The two main characters, Ova and Memo had the perfect level of understanding and rapport. The chemistry makes you imagine things while watching them play the character. As a father or a young man, you lay on your couch and begin to imagine what you would do if you were in Memo’s position faced with the possibility of not seeing your child again. I, for one, could not help but wish that there would be a plot twist where Ova’s mum appears as a wealthy influential woman and take care of the little girl.

In terms of cinematography, I’m particularly impressed by the scenes that captured closeup shots of the father-daughter relationship. It really highlighted their emotions causing the audience to literally feel their joy and pain. Honestly, I found myself sheepishly smiling and at other times breaking a tear.

My favorite part of this movie was the part where Ova pointed to the cloud and asked her father what it was and he said “a sheep”, she pointed to the sky and he said “another sheep with smaller ears”, pointed to a rock and he replied “a one-eyed giant”. Finally, apart from the strong emotional storyline of Miracle in a cell no 7 that sort of appealed to our emotional sentiments the movie was somewhat void of anything spectacular.

My rating 60/100

I would love to know what you think about the movie in the comment section.

How to love Yourself

June 10, 2020 / Lulu / 0 Comments

Hello guys! I trust you all are keeping safe? I have decided to write on how to love one’s self but then I thought to myself. What better way to do this than to use Demi Lovato’s “I love me” song? I love me was released on the 6th of March 2020 as part of her lead single from her seventh upcoming studio album. I know that you have probably seen and read several articles on self-love as well as movies portraying the importance of self-love. However, I have decided to adopt an unusual style by using Demi’s single which tells a fascinating story about her struggles with narcotics, depression, and criticisms. Going forward, the body of this article will therefore contain:

A short background of Demi’s life
The song.
My review.
Guidelines on how to love one’s self.

Demi Lovato

Demi was born in 1992, she is a singer, songwriter, and actress. Her journey to fame began at a very young age of nine. For those of you that didn’t know, she portrayed a character in Barney and friends. She’s a pop, pop-rock, and RnB singer. She has in the past struggled with several issues. She claims her father was mean and abusive and the effect was what spilled over as her having daddy issues during adulthood. She has been open about her struggles with depression and various eating disorders. Lovato is bipolar and has had a long history of drug abuse. She became addicted to drugs at a very young age. At a point, she celebrated her 6 years of sobriety after which she relapsed again. In giving her reasons for this, she explained ” I wasn’t working on my progress. I wasn’t ready to get sober. I was sneaking it on planes, sneaking it in bathrooms, sneaking it throughout the night. Nobody knew”. In July 2018 she overdosed on heroin and was rushed to the hospital. 18 months after, she’s still healing and decided to drop her 7th album. She has earned numerous awards including four Billboard Music Awards,2 Grammy award nominations, and holds a Guinness World Record.

Mini-Review

The 3:26 seconds song contains two (2) verses and a bridge which was written by Demi and other writers.

The music piece tells a fascinating story about her personal experience and struggles. In Verse 1, she sings and tells us a story about how she often gets influenced by what she reads and sees in the magazines and how it dictates her life and image. Saying it has shined the light on her imperfections rather than her potentials and talent. She addresses her eating habits and bad choices as well as not having control over it . She criticizes herself for being an expert in giving love to somebody else rather than herself. In the chorus, she condemns herself for comparing herself to everyone while self-destructing (maybe alluding her struggles with drugs and alcohol). She continues to talk about her journey with looking for love; a kind of love she described as ” ride or die”.

In verse 2. she sings about internet trolling and her effort in dealing with judgment from trolls. She claims that their criticisms have seemingly bought a first-class ticket in her head and mind. Invariably sabotaging the image she has of herself. In the bridge of the song which was the concluding part we continue to hear a now confident Demi concluding that in as much as shes usually under heavy criticism, she’s always the first to criticize herself. She ends this by saying even when she’s not ‘her’ best she’s still the best.

How To Love Yourself

Avoid falsies

Be careful not to use standards portrayed in the media as a measuring parameter for yourself. Over the years, an increasing number of young women are increasingly suffering from self-esteem problems. This can be traced back to poorly written scripts in movies as well as various falsehoods being popularized everywhere. The truth is, not everything on social platforms is true. Yes! you are imperfect. Yes! you have made a few mistakes that do not make you damaged. It is your imperfections that make you unique, perpetually showing forth the very essence of your being.

Support System

It’s okay to have challenges, it’s not the end of the world. There comes a point in everyone’s life where they battle with one thing or the other. This is indeed a crucial time and having a support system is very important. When you need help, seek it. This does not make you a weakling but rather a strong person. It is only a strong and brave person that can admit to needing help. So many people are unhappy, secretly dealing with depression, battling with one addiction or the other, yet they keep these to themselves. Nowadays, there seems to be a whole lot of stigma associated with asking for help and so most times we feel the best thing for us to do is to keep our secrets. We mustn’t let that deter us from seeking help. Support could come in the form of friends, family members, group meetings, and so on.

Self-love and living healthy

Self-love is important but you can not fully love anyone until you know how to love yourself. The same also applies to others loving you. No one wants to love anyone incapable of loving themselves. This is because it would never be good enough for them. Loving one’s self includes living a healthy life and making healthy decisions. This can be a very challenging thing to do because many unhealthy things we do are in fact very addictive or have even turned to habits. This would indeed require loads of discipline. These two are consequently important factors that help shape the rest of our lives.

Do not be scared of being criticized

The fear of being criticized as well as the criticism itself has led many people to a state of downward spiraling. Some begin to find outlets to ease the rejection or discomfort. This has resulted in so many seeking solace from drugs or even alcohol. It is not all criticism you open your ears to. In fact, not every critic would be gentle and not all criticisms are false. However, Instead of seeking people’s approval why not seek improvement?

Finally, i hope the article has been helpful in more ways than none in highlighting the importance of self-love above anything else. I’m hopeful that you enjoyed the twist with the song as well as the mini-review . You can let me know what you think in the comment section.

A Fragranced Life

June 9, 2020 / Lulu / 0 Comments

There are different fragrances in the world we live in today. These fragrances are what determine what we do with our lives, how we do them if they work for us as helpful tools, or act as hindrances.
Merriam-Webster defines fragrance as the quality or state of having a sweet odor. Vocabulary.com defines fragrance as a sweet olfactory smell.
Normally the word fragrance is a term usually used for pleasant smells. However, for the sake of this article we would be classifying fragrance into two;
● The good fragrance.
● The deficient fragrance.
There is a type of fragrance that opens all sorts of doors while the other results to blockages as well as roadblocks in a person’s life. The fragrance that opens doors could turn the life of a person around, bring people around which could turn out to be helpers, acquaintances, or friends. This type of fragrance makes people just fall in love with you, they just want to get to know you. In some cases, it makes you look or seem familiar to a total stranger, it makes an undeserving person deserving in all ramifications. This type of fragrance is what the Christians refer to as “grace”, the traditionalist would call it “Aajo”.

The other type of fragrance however has a foul smell. It repels individuals from a particular person affected by it. It’s a type of fragrance that’s not seen but the effects are seen and can be perceived, can be felt, and ultimately has a very extensive impact on the life of an individual. It is what the Yoruba’s call “Amin Ikorira” (hatred), the Igbos call it “Ikpoasi” while the Hausa’s call it “Kiyayya”
Have you ever just heard someone just say that they hate someone for no good reason? And you begin to ask yourself why this is so? Ordinarily, it’s not like they are threatened by this person they hate or are envious of them. They just claim that there’s more to it in which they have no explanation for. Some call it Ami buruku (evil sign); there is usually a perpetrator and the other person who is at the receiving end.

Emphatically, it can be deposited into a person’s life spiritually, some get this fragrance as a result of where they have visited or other practices, it can also be gotten through sex with someone afflicted by it or going to a place for some kind of spiritual help. Some suffer from this as a result of their family background. In this case, there is usually a repetitive order of events in which almost / all the family lineage has at one time passed through.

A friend once told me a story about a couple of people who went for an interview. At that time, they had already been shortlisted, and usually they just pass through that stage. The person who was to conduct the process picked all of them and rejected one person on a very lame basis. This really has never happened before in the history of that particular company. In a case like this, for example, different people would have different explanations for this happening. The Christians or Muslims would say “ that wasn’t the person’s job as God hasn’t given that job to him/her may be to protect the person from future occurrences of regrets “others could say oh! maybe he/she wasn’t dressed all that well for the position or the demeanor wasn’t just right to the employer. However, if properly investigated, this kind of thing could have been something that has always repeated itself in his /her life but was never taken cognizance of.

Other times, this particular fragrance could destroy or damage important relationships. This is sometimes the case of either sex losing people really dear to them. Broken marriages, broken relationships, and so on. It’s important to note that there’s usually a million other reasons for the breakup or things not going in accordance to how we want them. There are different types of fragrances and there’s no doubt that every individual would want the type that favors him or her. There is a fragrance of fear, a fragrance of importance, a fragrance of change, a fragrance of joy, a fragrance of hatred, fragrance of courage.

The question that would naturally come to your mind is what kind of fragrance do I possess? How can I eliminate bad fragrances? It’s important to note that there are serious implications when an individual has a certain stench to them physically or spiritually. We are not talking about that stench that can be washed by soap or water or by good hygiene or the ones that could be eradicated by deodorant or perfume. This type of foul fragrance has a very deep spiritual origin and undertone to it. For some reasons I wouldn’t want to delve too deeply into this however, I am of the opinion that there are some things in our control and many other things out of our control and that no matter what has happened or is happening you can change your life and there is no such thing as a hopeless situation. Every single circumstance can change or turn around. Most importantly, life is a gift and human elements should be experienced in order to have a fruitful future.

My Experience With the Lagos state Okada and Keke Ban.

February 24, 2020 / Lulu / 0 Comments

Governor Sanwo-Olu of Lagos State, I hail thee !! Lagosians I hail thee. Here I am, sweating profusely all because NEPA has refused to give us light. I couldn’t help but share my thoughts about the Keke and Okada Ban in Lagos State. As you might have guessed from my previous articles, I love ordering Uber whenever I can afford it. I love my comfort. Who doesn’t? The problem now becomes maintaining that kind of lifestyle when you don’t have shishi (a penny) or when there are other responsibilities staring at you in the face.

You see, immediately I heard of the Keke and Okada ban, I just started to think of my life (I live around the outskirts of Lagos state, very close to Ogun state ) .

My Personal Experience with the Okada ban

On Monday, we were asked to come very early to work because of some things we had to do. I decided to wake up at 4:30am, I had my bath, prepared and got to my bus-stop at 6:00 am ( don’t ask me what I was doing for 1hour,30minutes lol) . I stood at the bus-stop from that 6:00 am to about 8 am. It was not like there were no buses but most of them were already filled up by the time they got to my bus-stop and the ones that were going towards my direction increased the fare to about three times the normal price.

It felt like everyone in Lagos after the Keke and Okada ban had agreed to come out at the same time (like they said 1! 2! Ready ! GO! ). I finally got a bus but haaa!! I was just cursing and swearing under my breath. It felt like we were 50 in a 16seater bus, considering the fact that it seemed like everyone was carrying a person on their lap. I couldn’t help but feel so much pity when I saw people trekking along the way. They had probably waited and waited at the bus-stops and just decided to walk till they get a bus or a motorist to carry them. Surprisingly, the Bus-stops in Lagos was packed full, and in spite of everything, I got to work by 10:30 am and believe me when I say I was not even that late considering where I was coming from and the others who weren’t at work yet.

Getting to work was a walk in the park, compared to what I experienced on my way back home. I had to first branch at Abule-Egba through Agege with a friend of mine before facing my house. I tried leaving work by 3:40 pm, the bus began moving towards our destination by about 4 pm. As we began approaching Agege, that’s when the driver decided to drop us “oya e bole ! e ma waste time mi”. ( come down! Don’t waste my time). A man in the bus replied, “ shey e ya werey nii, shey ibi to yeke gbe wa bole niyi?” ( Hope you are not mad ? Is this where you are supposed to drop us after collecting the amount you did?). They began to exchange words almost beating themselves up. My friend and I came down from the bus. Just in case I forgot to mention earlier, I was wearing my NYSC outfit on this day.

I don’t know about anyone else’s but my khaki is not suitable for trekking, jumping or walking far distances. Any small mistake or overextension of body parts is catastrophic. In fact, you need to see the acrobatics I usually display whenever I want to hop on a bike or danfo (bus). Anyways that is how my friend and I began our “pilgrimage to Jerusalem” , we trekked “sote” to the extent that I began to ask God if something was not wrong with my destiny .“Mehn! this suffering is too much” I reiterated. By the time we got to the place we were hoping to eventually get a bus, we saw people there waiting for the bus . I looked down at my shoes and began to feel pity for myself (they were as dusty as the Gobi desert in Mongolia). I felt like practically removing my shoe and walking barefooted because of the pain I was feeling on my feet as if to say my legs had grown 1 or 2 sizes.

Did I finally get a bus?

After waiting for about 20 minutes a bus came but it was only my friend that was able to get in before I could say “Jack-Robinson”, they had pushed me away from the entrance of the bus. At this point, my friend was visibly upset that I wasn’t fast enough to enter the bus and had to come down (omolomo she done waka tire!) . We waited and eventually got into another bus. Fast forward to after we had gotten to where we’re going, it was now time for us to go our separate ways. “Ile ya” I thought to myself. Let me just say it wasn’t the same person that left home that got back home. Apart from losing a few pounds (lol), the white I wore was no longer / close to white in the scheme of colors. Did I mention that I live on the outskirts of Lagos? A place where most of the roads are just being constructed so we basically just have roads adorned with red sand?

Honestly speaking, I have never walked the way I did yesterday, and the fact that this was just the beginning (day1) 1 of this new policy frightens me. I felt like I was in a foreign land (just like the Israelites in Egypt ). In the bus yesterday, the issue of this ban was brought up and I could hear them say was that we should just pray to God to change Nigeria and they were done complaining bitterly. I then began to ponder on why people suffer so much under an elitist government they elected into power and would then say that Prayer was the next thing to do! Why do Nigerians depend on prayer or religious frivolities as their next course of action whenever there is a challenge or crisis in the country? I looked at the man who sat next to me and said “Sir we have been praying since forever, even before I was born we have been praying. Why can’t we do something order than prayer ?” . He replied, “na so we see am o”.

I’m hoping that the Lagos state government would find a lasting solution to transportation problems in Lagos and not just formulate policies that would be favorable to them only but also to the masses at large. The country is honestly already hard enough. It can be argued that this move (the ban) is a covert attempt at increasing the revenue for the government since many members of the population would be left to solely depend on buses. Such buses now pay additional fees(especially now)per loading to the Lagos state through “agberos” who then remunerate to the Lagos state government. Others have even argued that there would soon be alternatives provided which would be completely monopolized by the state government most likely to the detriment of the people. It is, however, of great importance to understand that whenever policies like these are made, better alternatives should be made available.

I’m in support of the Governor’s agenda of developing Lagos to a megacity but I am believing that the government should make its people a priority. Also, there should have been at least a 30-90 day period for the riders to either get a new source of livelihood or put 1 or 2 things in place before the commencement of this Keke and Okada ban . How can a state like Lagos not have working ferries , metro trains, and enough buses? If all these are put in place then this policy would have been beautiful. This policy despite its potentials has to be revisited.

Thank you for reading. I await your thoughts as well as your experiences in the comment section.